


Because It's Not Familiar

by ladyc2



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:19:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyc2/pseuds/ladyc2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Ryo's suffers amnesia after an accident. Kamenashi is his nurse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because It's Not Familiar

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my ryo_short AU Bingo card challenge for the prompts "Memory loss" and "Nurse/patient".
> 
>  **Warnings:** mentions of potential suicide/homicide/emotional abuse

The photograph showed an older couple and their three adult children all laughing happily as they posed amidst a snowy landscape. Ryo stared at the picture until he felt he had all the details down, then closed his eyes bringing the image up in his mind. Slowly, he tried to widen the view, memory straining to recreate the details not shown by the photo. _Nothing_. Ryo snapped his eyes back open and let out a growl of frustration. Why couldn't he remember? It had been at least two months since the accident and his memories were still as blank as the day he'd woken up in hospital, not even knowing who he was or how he'd gotten there. He returned his gaze to the photo, particularly the person standing front and centre, fingers held up in the V sign as he posed. Objectively speaking, he could tell that he was that person - the features matched (especially now that the swelling and bruising was going down) from the few times he'd bothered to look in the mirror - but he felt nothing looking at it; no connection, no...no nothing.

A sharp "Tch" brought Ryo out of his reverie and he looked up to see his nurse, Kamenashi, frowning and shaking his head at him. 

"How many times do I have to tell you that you'll ruin your eyesight if you keep trying to read with just that small lamp on." Kamenashi moved as he scolded Ryo (not for the first time), heading straight for the windows. "Well at least the sun's up now." He yanked on the cord and sunlight came streaming into the room. It took Ryo's eyes a few seconds of blinking to adjust to the light and when he did he saw Kamenashi nodding to himself in satisfaction before turning in Ryo's direction, a much more pleasant smile now gracing his features.

"So how are you feeling today, Nishikido-san?"

"Like I got hit by a bus," Ryo replied curtly. 

Kamenashi laughed a little, not put out at all by Ryo's demeanour. "Sounds about right then," he noted before proceeding to Ryo's beside to check his charts and IV drips (not to mention turning off the offending lamp). All the while he kept up a steady stream of dialogue about what he'd been up to since Ryo last saw him. Ryo went back to contemplating the photo, letting Kamenashi's voice wash over him. He'd never admit it to the man himself but he liked that Kamenashi talked to him and treated him as if he was a normal person. Most of the other nurses seemed to think that because he lost his memory he had the mental capacity of a five year old.

"Your family?" Ryo looked up to find Kamenashi standing right next to him, eyes fixed on the photo. Despite the tone, it wasn't really a question. Kamenashi had been one of his main nurses since he'd woken up and he couldn't possibly have missed Ryo's family visiting. Clearly it was an opening to talk. Still, Ryo wasn't really in the mood, so he answered sourly,

"So they say."

Kamenashi wasn't to be deterred so easily however. "Why would they lie?" he asked. 

"Maybe I'm secretly super wealthy and they just want to worm their way into my good books to steal my money," Ryo suggested. Kamenashi seemed to mull that over for a few moments.

"Doesn't really explain the photo though," he eventually said. "You all look way too happy to be squabbling over money."

"Not anymore," Ryo let out and then immediately wanted to slap himself. So much for not talking about it.

"Eh?" 

"It just makes me uncomfortable," Ryo admitted. "It's like they always look so hopeful when they show me photo's or tell me stories and then when I don't remember..." Ryo trailed off  
"I hate that look of pure disappointment on their faces."

Kamenashi nodded in understanding. "I doubt they're disappointed in you; just the situation. I mean, think about it from their point of view."

"What do you mean?"

"Hmm, how to put it. Who's the person you know best since you woke up?" 

Ryo considered the question. His mother came to visit nearly every day, with his Dad, Brother and Sister coming up from Osaka on the weekends and whenever they didn't have work. Friends also came to visit fairly regularly, but be it friends or family they all wanted to see the Ryo he used to be, not the person he was now. Who else did he see? His Doctor and his physiotherapist he saw on a regular basis, but he was always under the impression he was just another body to them, to be pushed or prodded until they could get rid of him. No, there was only one person who actually seemed to take any interest in who he was now.

"You, I guess," Ryo admitted warily. But Kamenashi just smiled like that was the answer he was expecting. 

"Right, so how would you feel if one day I came to work and didn't know who you were? I'd completely forgotten you."

Ryo didn't even have to think. "That would suck."

"It would," Kamenashi agreed with a small laugh. 

"But it's not my fault I don't remember," Ryo whined. Or then again, maybe it was. The exact circumstances that led to Ryo being under a bus weren't exactly clear even to the authorities. Ryo didn't like to think he may have done it deliberately, but it's not like he had much to go on in the matter.

"And I'm sure they understand that, but it’s still a tough adjustment to make. In a way, they lost you without losing you."

Ryo sighed. He could understand that he supposed. Still, it wasn't like he wasn't trying - his stupid brain just wasn't cooperating with him. 

"And hey, it could be worse." Kamenashi interrupted, bringing Ryo out of his thoughts. "I remember everything and my parents still look disappointed in me whenever I see them."

Ryo frowned, "Why?" 

"When I told them I was getting into medicine I guess they thought they were getting a doctor in the family. When they found out I was actually studying nursing instead." Kamenashi shrugged. "Let's just say, it didn't go down too well."

"That's stupid," Ryo asserted, and then wondered if he should feel a little guilty because he'd made a few 'girl' cracks upon finding out that Kamenashi was his nurse. At the time, Kamenashi had just laughed and told him that he hadn't slept for that long and should know it wasn't the dark ages anymore. Then his curiosity got the better of him. "Why did you become a nurse?" 

"Baseball."

"How about an answer that actually makes sense." 

Kame laughed. "When I was younger I used to play baseball a lot. The ground we used to play on wasn't really looked after very well and one day I was running after a ball and my foot hit a hole in the ground. I twisted my ankle and on the way down the ball clocked me in the head."

Ryo couldn't help himself from snickering. He could just imagine a young Kamenashi pitching face first to the ground.

"Well, anyway," Kame continued, pointedly ignoring Ryo's laugh, "the doctors wanted me to stay overnight in the hospital to make sure I didn't have a concussion. My father was working night shift at the time and my mother had my three brothers to look after so neither of them was able to stay with me. I was so scared to stay there on my own, but the nurse on duty really went out of her way to look after me and make me feel better. I'll never forget that." 

Kamenashi's gaze turned wistful. "Well when it turned out I couldn't play baseball professionally, I thought about what sort of job I wanted to do and I remembered that nurse. To be able to make a difference in people's lives, to help and affect them in such a positive manner. It just seemed right, you know?"

Ryo nodded. It made sense. Then again, he didn't know if he was working in the field he loved or if he was just trudging along to pay the bills. He half suspected the latter since his friends and co-workers who had dropped by had barely mentioned his work and had rather focussed on other aspects of his life to try to jog his memory.

“Well, I’m glad you became a nurse,” Ryo said quickly, hoping that Kamenashi wouldn’t make fun of him for such a soppy statement. He flicked his gaze up to the other man’s and was instantly relieved of his worry. 

“Thanks.” Not that Kamenashi needed to say it; his smile said it all.

*

 

The next few times his family and friends visited, Ryo tried to keep his conversation with Kamenashi in mind. It helped a lot to frame it as them being disappointed in the situation rather than in him and his mood was much better. So much better that his friends and family started commenting on it. A particularly rowdy visit by six of friends culminated in some rather ribald jokes about being surrounded so many pretty nurses, with several insinuations about sponge baths. He hoped he wasn't blushing, and could only imagine what they'd think if they found out his main nurse was a guy. 

"Shut up," he told them He didn't really understand when those words only made them grin harder.

*

 

Ryo glared up at the nurse in front of him. He didn't know her name and to be honest he didn't much care.

"Where's Kamenashi?" 

The nurse looked like she wanted to be here about as much as Ryo wanted her to be. "In the nurses station. He had a visitor so he asked me to come and take you to your physiotherapy session today."

Ryo crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly. "Visiting hours are over."

"Visiting hours are for patients, Nishikido-san. Now will you please let me help you into your wheelchair so we can go. The Doctor's waiting." 

As he was wheeled by the nurse’s station, Ryo got a look at Kamenashi's visitor. He was about the same height as Kamenashi with short spiky hair. The two men's voices were lowered but it was pretty clear they were having a disagreement about something. Ryo tried to crane his neck to get a better look as they passed, but his muscles protested the strain so he settled for facing forward and glowering at everything. Who was that guy and why did he think it was appropriate to come all the way to Kamenashi's workplace to berate him? And why was this even bothering him? It's not like Kamenashi's private life was any of his business. The thought only made Ryo angrier, and by the time he got to his session he was in a right mood.

 

*

 

"I'm impressed, Nishikido-san," The physiotherapists voice was nearly as superficial and smarmy as the nurse from before, and if Ryo hadn't been so tired from his workout, he might have tried to punch him for it. "That was the most effort I think you've ever put into one of these sessions. If you keep it up, you might just be out of here by Christmas."

Ryo rolled his eyes and was about to retort (something not very nice) when a presence behind him and warm voice in his ear stopped him short.

"Well done." Unlike the doctor, Kamenashi's voice sounded completely sincere. Ryo felt his face heating up, though he wasn't sure why. Must be the workout he'd just had, he told himself. Still he dropped his head to stare at his lap.

"Just take me back to my room," he grumbled. 

Kamenashi did as Ryo commanded and helped him settle back into his bed. He then rounded the bed to look at Ryo's chart.

"Was that your boyfriend?" Ryo blurted out. 

"Who?" Kame didn't seem offended by the thought that Ryo thought he was gay, but he didn't really seem to be paying full attention, either.

"Your visitor from earlier." 

"Oh," Kame looked up briefly, a slight frown on his features. "No. He was just a friend."

"Looked like a pretty intense conversation."

Kame put the clipboard down, before giving Ryo a rather pointed look. "Kinda nosy today, aren't we?"

Ryo shrugged, "I've got no memories and being stuck in this hospital day in, day out I'm not exactly making a lot of new ones. Can you blame me for living vicariously through other people?"

Kamenashi gave him an intense stare for a several minutes, as if weighing Ryo up. Then he sighed, before plopping himself down on the edge of the bed. "You were sort of right." He looked over to meet Ryo's gaze. "Ueda's not my boyfriend, but we were discussing my ex."

"Bad break-up?"

Kame laughed. "You could say that. And the second time we broke up was even worse." Kame's face scrunched up in embarrassment. "And the less said about the third time the better."

Ryo rolled his eyes. _Geez_ , and here he thought Kamenashi was sensible.

Kame continued on. "Well, anyway, he's been sniffing around again and Tat-chan found out. He's just worried, I guess."

"I can see why."

"Well, he doesn't have to be. I'm not getting back with him." Kame sounded almost offended.

Ryo raised an eyebrow. "Did you say that the last couple of times?"

"It's different this time."

"How so?"

"It just is." Kamenashi defended. He turned his head away towards the window. Ryo couldn't see the expression on his face, but his voice sounded a strange mix of wry and determined. "I guess you could say, I've gotten a new perspective on things recently."

After a moment he turned back to face Ryo again smiling. "Anyway, enough about me." He poked Ryo in the arm, "You're supposed to be resting, and I have other patients to check on."

 

*

Yamapi - his real name was Yamashita but apparantly _everyone,_ called him Yamapi or even just Pi (something about a senpai, a high school drama club and a botched costume change, Ryo was a little hazy on the details) - was supposedly his best friend and Ryo figured that that was why, apart from Kamenashi, he was the person Ryo seemed to feel most comfortable around, even if he didn't remember why. He was currently sitting in the chair next to Ryo's bed, telling him a story about how another one of their friends had made a total fool of himself on a recent night out and making short work of the grapes he'd brought in as a present.

"Why don't you ever talk about my love life?" Ryo interrupted.

Yamapi looked surprised, a grape stopped halfway to his mouth. "Uh...I don't?"

"No," Ryo replied, "you don't. Is it that bad?"

Yamapi shrugged, seeming to weigh his words carefully before replying. "Mostly normal, I guess."

"So?"

Yamapi shifted uncomfortably on his chair, before starting to reluctantly talk.

"You had a few girlfriends during high school and college. Nothing serious. Then about a year after you graduated you met Gakki."

"Gakki?"

"Aragaki Yui." Yamapi clarified. "We all thought you two would get married."

Marriage. Ryo hadn't even considered the possibility that he could have been so serious about someone. Truthfully, he hadn't really given relationships much thought at all since he'd woken up. It was only in the last few days that it had started to creep up on his mind for some reason. 

"So what happened?"

"She got offered a promotion, but she had to move to America to take it up. She would've stayed for you, but it was her dream and you didn't want to take that away from her. You always said 'if we belong together then you didn't want there to be any regrets between you'."

"So she left?"

"Yeah. You tried the long distance thing for a while, but," Yamapi trailed off. _It didn't work, clearly_.

"You were pretty devastated when it officially ended. You basically shut yourself off from the world for a while. Eventually, you went back to dating, mostly just casual again. The last girl you went out with was a bit crazy though. She wasn't happy when you broke it off." Yamapi laughed nervously. "Actually, when I first heard about your accident, I thought." He made a little pushing motion with his hands.

"What!?"

"It's all right though. I checked with the police and she had an alibi. Still the hospital's been warned not to let her in to see you."

Ryo couldn't believe it. "And nobody thought to tell me any of this?"

"We didn't want to worry you. The doctors said stress wasn't good for your condition."

And there was yet another reason for Ryo not to trust the Doctor's in this stupid hospital. A potential psycho-stalker was after him and they thought he didn't need to know. He wasn't a baby for god's sake. Still, he tamped down on his anger because as potentially unsettling as it was, it wasn't really what he was interested in finding out from his friend at the moment.

"So, no guy's then?"

"Guys?" Yamapi looked confused for a moment before he finally got the drift of Ryo's question. "Ah! Well...there was that one guy in college. We thought you were just experimenting. What was his name again? Shimmy...Shitty...Shige."

"Shige?"

"Hmm. Something like that." Yamapi shrugged, "Like I said, none of those relationships in college were serious. You were always more interested in music and starting a band back then."

Ryo only paid part attention as he let Yamapi reminisce about their college days and his apparently hilarious failed attempts to start a band. Most of his thoughts were on digesting this large amount of new information that he'd been given. A potential wife, a possible stalker and at least one known past boyfriend. He wasn't exactly sure why he'd been thinking about past relationships so much. Maybe because Kamenashi had been having problems with his ex. Since that first conversation, Kamenashi had been a little more open about his past relationship and how this guy had been trying to worm his way back into his good books. From the things Kame had told him, he sounded like a real jerk, and he wondered why Kamenashi would hook up with a guy like that in the first place. All Kame had said about it was that he'd been in a bad place at the time and jerkface (Ryo's newly minted private nickname for the guy) had helped him deal with it. Taken advantage of it, more like, Ryo couldn't help but think. Not that it was his place to say so, and it seemed like he had enough friends doing that anyway. All Ryo could do was hope he listened to them. 

"...and then they had to evacuate the whole school." Yamapi was slapping his thigh as he laughed. Ryo grinned, wondering what he missed of his friends conversation and how attempting to start up a band could possibly lead to an evacuation. He put the problem of Kamenashi and his own relationships aside for the moment to tune back into the current conversation.

 

*

 

That night Ryo dreamed he was at the beach with Yamapi and a girl. Except that everytime he caught a glimpse of the girl's face it was Kamenashi.

 

*

 

The next day, he told Kamenashi about his dream, editing out the nurse's own appearance. Kamenashi's face broke into a wide grin.

"Sounds like a memory. You should ask your friend when he visits next if it really happened."

Later on, Kamenashi came back into his room carrying a small piece of cake.

"To celebrate your first memory," he explained when Ryo lifted an eyebrow in question.

Ryo tried to protest that they didn't even know for sure it was a memory yet, but Kame just waved him off.

"Don't be so negative, this is a good thing. Now eat your cake quickly before anyone comes in. Nurses aren't supposed to buy things for the patients. It's against hospital policy."

"Well then you'd better help me," Ryo held up his fork with a piece of cake on the end for Kamenashi. Kamenashi leaned forward and quickly took the fork into his mouth, his cheeks shading red with embarrassment. _Cute,_ , Ryo thought as he grinned and took his own bite.  
They quickly finished off the cake together.

"I have to go back to work." Kamenashi muttered, quickly gathering up the empty plate and fork and taking them away.

 

*

 

Another day, another physiotherapy session. His sessions had been going really well lately, but this time when Ryo came back his mood was darker than night. 

"It's going to happen, you know. What you said."

"Huh?" Kamenashi looked at him in confusion.

"The physiotherapist thinks I should be able to go home in a few more weeks."

"That's great," Kame replied. "Isn't it?"

Ryo disagreed. "You'll have new patients. You'll forget all about me."

Kamenashi stared at him for a long moment, then he was marching forward determinedly. When he was at Ryo's side, he reached out grabbing Ryo's chin and tilting it up, forcing their eye's to meet. 

"You're an idiot," Kamenashi finally said before bringing his lips to meet Ryo's.

Ryo automatically closed his eyes as their lips met. The contact only lasted a few moments before Kamenashi pulled away.

"And now I've really overstepped my bounds. I should go,"

"No wait. Stay. Please."

But Kamenashi shook his head, "I can't."

And with that he was gone.

 

*

 

The day when Ryo finally left the hospital came. Yamapi had offered him a place to stay while he finished his recovery and got back on his feet. His friend was now pushing his wheelchair as his mother walked beside him. As he was being wheeled out he tried not to crane his neck searching for Kamenashi in the hallways. Ryo hadn't seen then nurse since their kiss. His new nurse said he'd asked for a transfer to another ward. Ryo had thought about searching the hospital for him, but his muscles were still weak and walking anything other than the short distance from his bed to his bathroom took a lot out him. So even if he did manage to find him, it's not like Kamenashi couldn't just run away with ease if he didn't want to see him. And he'd made it pretty clear he didn't. 

It was when they were out in the carpark that he finally saw the other man again. Kamenashi was standing near one of the cars wearing jeans which looked like they'd been ripped to within an inch of their life and a plain white T-shirt with a black skull print on it. It suited him much better than his nurses uniform in Ryo's opinion. _Much, much better_. Kamenashi straightened as he saw them, but didn't move from his spot.

"Isn't that one of your nurses?" His mother asked curiously.

"Yeah. Can you give me a minute?" Yamapi wheeled him up to Kamenashi before stepping back to join his mother a few feet away.

"Hey," Kamenashi greeted, a nervous pitch to his voice. "I had the day off today, but I heard you were getting out. Congratulations."

Ryo didn't reply, staring at Kamenashi. Kamenashi had kissed him and ran off, it was his job to make nice, not Ryo's.

"You're mad at me."

"You kissed me and ran off."

Kame looked away briefly before returning Ryo's gaze. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"No," Ryo corrected. "What you shouldn't have done was run off. I was totally okay with the kissing bit."

Kamenashi bit his lip, trying not to laugh, but it quickly turned into a sigh. "Maybe you were, but I wasn't."

"Why not?" Ryo didn't get it. If he didn't want to kiss him, he shouldn't have kissed him.

Kame tilted his head back eyes fixed to the sky above. "Remember how I said I'd gotten a new perspective on life recently." Ryo nodded, although Kamenashi wasn't really looking at him. "Some of that's thanks to you. How strong you are, dealing with what's happened and losing your whole identity. I tried to imagine what you were going through."

"It sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anybody."

Kame shot him a glare. "Let me finish." he said before refocusing once again on the sky. "You're strong, you really are, but you're also vulnerable right now. All you've known, _all you know_ , is that hospital room. When I found out I couldn't play baseball anymore I was devastated and I took it really hard. I know it's not the same thing, but back then I was vulnerable and..."

Ryo could fill in the blanks. "Your ex?"

Kamenashi switched his gaze from the sky to the ground, or maybe his shoelaces. "The way you said that makes him sound like a terrible person."

 _If the shoe fits,_ Ryo wanted to say but held back. It seemed liked Kamenashi heard him anyway.

"He's not. He's just not the right person for me. When everyone else was pitying me or trying to brush it off, he treated me like a normal person. Like it wasn't wrong to feel the way I did or like I was stupid for letting it get to me. I grasped onto that like a lifeline, and while it helped me get past my problems, it also blinded me to the problems in our relationship for too long. And I guess it was the reason I kept going back too."

Kamenashi lifted his head to meet Ryo's gaze, his eyes solemn and serious, "I don't want to do that to you."

"So what? We can't be together unless I get memories back."

"It's not about memories." Frustration tinged Kamenashi's voice. "It's about finding who you are and your place in the world; whether your memories come back or not."

"I still think it's stupid." 

"Maybe," Kamenashi conceded. "But a few months living your life won't hurt. And, then, if you're still interested, well, you know where I work."

Ryo pushed himself up out of his wheelchair slowly, and took one determined step forward, and then another, until he was right up in Kamenashi's personal space. "I'll still be interested," he voiced huskily, before capturing Kamenashi's lips with his own. As he pulled away, Kamenashi smiled.

"I hope so," he whispered softly before turning and walking away. Ryo watched him go. _Wait for me, Kamenashi._ Ryo sent the thought towards the other mans retreating form. _I'll be back._

 

_Omake_

Ryo walked the halls of the hospital. It wasn't the first time he'd been back since his discharge - physiotherapy sessions had still been a large part of his life until recently - but it was the first time he'd been there with a purpose other than his health on his mind. As he reached the nurses station, he stopped, leaning against the wall and just watching. Kamenashi was there talking and laughing with his colleagues. He looked good. Eventually one of the other nurses must have noticed him, for she nudged Kamenashi and gestured in his direction. Kamenashi looked over, surprise written on his features. He slowly made his way over towards Ryo.

Ryo pushed himself off the wall and smiled. Kamenashi smiled back tentatively. 

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey," Ryo replied back.

"How are you?"

"Fully recovered." Kamenashi raised an eyebrow in slight disbelief. "Pretty much," Ryo amended.

"Your memories?"

Ryo shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. "They're coming back, slowly. There are still quite a few large gaps though." He grinned. "Actually I was hoping you could help me out with that, by making some new memories to fill the gaps."

Kame laughed. "I don't think that's how it works."

Ryo shrugged, "I don't care."

Kame's face grew serious and Ryo felt his do likewise. "My shift finishes at ten."

"I'll be waiting."

"Me too."

THE END


End file.
